She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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