K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
