Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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