I want you more than these girls want KFC
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
