I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
