I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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