Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
