My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
