i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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