John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
