Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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