Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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