No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
