the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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