I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I looked at my own cervix.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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