he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
