I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
