so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
