You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
