haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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