I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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