Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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