We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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