Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
