i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so let's talk penis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
