Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize