I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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