i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
