"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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