I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
