I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
