you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
