I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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