never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
