Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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