Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
