everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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