her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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