whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
