This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
