ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize