Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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