you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
