mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
