Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
