His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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