Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize