On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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