someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
