I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize