U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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