Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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