I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had to coat check the pizza.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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