Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
