take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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