OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my phone needs a breathalizer
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
