I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
