She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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