and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
