He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
