I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
