When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
