god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
