did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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