I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
