Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
