Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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