Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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