p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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