I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize