hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
