I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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