You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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