did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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