After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
