so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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