Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
