Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
