i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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