3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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