The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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