Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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