You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize