I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
