We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
