so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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