You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
