Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
