I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize