I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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